Dogs

Dogs.  They have been a topic of discussion, of negotiation and of dreams for a number of years in our family.  The kids, the middle one in particular, has been very keen to get a dog for a long time.  Her brothers were in agreement that a dog would be a nice addition to the family but were letting her take the lead in the negotiations with the parents.   Within weeks of departing Halifax we were immersed in dog culture.  A highlight of the stop at their grandpa's ranch in New Mexico was playing with his two dogs.  I don't know who was happier, the dogs or the kids, but they spent hours together playing ball and going on walks.  We didn't know it at the time, but this was the start of a major theme for our trip: dogs.

I warned the kids that in much of the world you cannot play with dogs and you need to be more careful since we would not know if they were healthy or not.  Sometimes we had a stop that included a family dog and the kids would pet and cuddle with him, but other times they would satisfy their dog itch by taking pictures.  Later Leo or I would look at our photos and realize there were dozens of photos of random dogs.

By Christmas Lu had prepared a power point that described the pros and cons of having a dog as a pet and outlining research into which breeds might be well suited to our family.  She presented her case to us with earnestness and conviction.  Prior to the trip Leo and I had held firm to the "no dog" line, using the trip as our main reason.  As the trip got under way that excuse was slowly but persistently challenged.

In New Zealand we spent a week staying on a sheep farm and there the family dog quickly became a favorite companion.  It was delightful to see the joy that everyone took in spending time with a dog and I think this might have been where the cracks started to appear.

  

Through much of South East Asia I held my breath that we would not have any traumatic dog experiences, recognizing that dogs are not held in the same pet status as in other parts of the world.  Luckily we did not, although out of the corner of my eye in Vietnam I may have seen something I wish I hadn't.  The kids continued to take cute pictures and we just elected to see them as that and not think too hard about the fate of the animal.

Once in Europe we were back in the land of dogs as pets and there were dogs everywhere.  The chatter about getting a dog increased and both adults started to waffle and the defenses softened.

Even sand dogs captured the imagination.

Within days of arriving in Seattle we had agreed to get a dog.  Lu went into overdrive looking into breeders and it was only then that we realized that the breed we'd settled on as the right one for our family, a mini bernedoodle, was hard to come by, especially on the east coast.  There was an intense wave of emotional turmoil around getting the dog.  It was like a one wave of emotion layered onto another to make a tsunami of emotions.  The emotions about the trip wrapping up, the wave of emotion about returning to Seattle,  the kids' excitement and disbelief about getting a dog, and then despair about not being able to find one, the adults' disbelief that we'd agreed and the wave of second guessing ourselves, but never at the same time.  All those waves of emotion coalesced and nudged us into an impulsive decision when we learned that there was actually a little puppy, ready to go home, only an hour from us in Seattle.

Driving to meet the puppies

This is the one.

Oh my god.  We actually have a dog.

Within minutes of getting in the car and driving back home with the new puppy  I knew I was making a mistake.  Suddenly there was another creature in our family that we would need to factor into, well everything, and I liked our family plenty fine as it was.  My feeling of dread bumped up against the children's excitement and I swallowed down my worries.

The kids were determined to be helpful and I was determined to NOT become the animal's person.  I did not need another being look to me to fulfill any needs, and with that as my goal I happily let the older two spend the first night tending to the puppy.  That night they slept downstairs next to the puppy's kennel, which we'd borrowed from yet another friend, and I went upstairs, closed my door, and slept like a log.  Until about 6:30 a.m. when one of the kids came upstairs carrying the little ball of fur wrapped in a blanket and asked if I could take over.  They had slept a few hours, if that, up over a dozen times through the night to let the puppy out to pee, or just because he whimpered.  It was so sweet to see how committed and concerned they were about tending to him, like any new parent.  At that moment I had to decide did I want a tired me or tired kids for the next few days?  I decided a tired me was easier to deal with, plus I was determined to have a dog that slept well.  I joke that I did not sleep train my kids, but I sure as heck was going to sleep train my dog!  And in fact, after a couple of nights the puppy, whom we named Keji, was sleeping well on his own.

Turns out, sleep deprivation was the least of my mental health worries.  What I did not factor into the story of getting a puppy was not so much the work but the whole new chapter of parenting our kids around the dog.  Puppies nip and are often not that much fun.  They can scratch, they don't fetch, they jump and have sharp claws and teeth.  Hearing kids yell "mom" when it was about the dog almost made me lose my mind.  As well having to factor in how long the dog could be left alone, or decide do we take him with us or not, provoked intense anxiety.  I hated having to think about him and add his needs into our family's rhythm.  I was resentful. Perhaps at this point it sounds like getting the dog was a mistake, or maybe I should do some emotional work about the dog.  You wouldn't be wrong to think that, but things did get better.  Seeing how much the kids loved the dog was heart warming, and having Leo step up and become the dog's "person" instead of me was key.

First vet visit

The other thing that impacted my first few weeks with the puppy was that we were busy!  We were still in Seattle, where there was lots we wanted to do and see and we also went to Victoria to visit friends who have a toddler.  Suddenly we are in someone else's house with a puppy who isn't house trained yet and a toddler whom I intensely did not want my dog to scratch or nip.  That was not a recipe for a relaxed me.  I was dearly looking forward to spending time with these friends and actually being hands on with their babe, returning the hours of help they had given us with our kids, and instead I was managing a dog. Ugh. Not a good feeling.  Disappointment, frustration, regret.  I was actually very close to saying "I can't do this" we have to return the dog.  I've since learned that there is a term: "re-homing".  But we didn't re-home the pup and the negativity passed.  And boy oh boy, was he cute!

So Keji has become part of our family.  It was a tremendous way to end our trip.  We basically avoided acknowledging the sadness about our trip ending by adding in the excitement of a new puppy.  Not really the ideal way to handle emotions, but its what we did.  

As we went about our last two weeks in the Pacific North West Keji became part of our lives.  He went swimming in the lake and the ocean.  He crossed the border, twice.  He went on ferry crossings, long car trips and two plane rides.  We spent nights at friends' houses, puppy in tow, he learned to pee outside, only to be confused when we moved into a house with rugs, and we spent hours on the front step, watching as bikes and cars zoomed by, exposing him to city life.

Now writing this a few months after our return and with Keji firmly a part of the family, I still think it was not the most thought through decision.  I dare say even that it was probably not a smart decision.  But it is a decision that has been made and I can see the benefits to having a dog in the family.  The children do love him, and he provides boundless love back. Most appreciated is that he gets us out into nature, forcing walks and explorations of our city parks, even when we don't feel like it.  So Keji is here to stay, and I've decided I should probably get a therapist to talk through any future big decisions. Life is never boring in our household and future trip planning will now need to include what to do with a dog. What were we thinking!?  Oh right, we weren't. And sometimes that is okay.